Monday, April 25, 2005

Growing Old

My 36th birthday is rapidly approaching and I'm growing old and I'm going to die.
Since with my current life-style, living beyond 72 would be an impossibility, I guess it's save to assume I've passed the mid-point in life. I'm not as quick as I used to be, my body needs more time to recuperate. I cannot study for 18 hours a day anymore. My childhood dreams of becoming either a priest, a professional hitman, a gigollo or a world-reknowned scientist have turned to ashes.
I'm growing old and I'm going to die. And boy, do I love it!
First off, I don't have to compulsively sleep with every woman I meet. Which is a great relief! The lines in my face are setting and when I look in the mirror a grown man stares back at me. I never felt so goddamn sexy in my life, and in some inexplicable way a woman's character, intelligence and zest for life have become more important to me than her breast size, and willingness to sleep with me. Women get wilder as they grow older. The: "Don't do that.", and "Ouch you are hurting me.", seems to have been replaced with: "Oh baby fill it up!", and "That hurts so good!"
Finally at 35 I got my act together.
If I were to die today, it would have been good. My worse enemies, and my greatest friends would die with me. The boy-who-didn't-want-to-go-to-college; The boy-who-refused-to-fit-in; the man-that-could-not-sleep-with-the-woman-he-did-not-love; the-boy-that-wanted-to-save-the-world; but perhaps most of all the little-crying-boy. We'll stand side by side facing the final loving judgment. And we might look a little defiant, for guys, they aint got shit on us.
As far as material possessions go, I don't think my inheritance will amount to anything. My house will go back to the bank. Mickey will be taken care of by friends. My car might be worth something but not enough to cover the funeral bill. I'd like to have a carton of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka in my coffin. Just for the road, you know. I would also appreciate it if someone told my mother that the vibrators and lingerie she found while snooping through my cupboards, were not for my personal use.
I might die. But I also might live. As far as I can see it now, things can only get better. I might lose my house and possessions, but who the hell cares? The world is a big place.
Maybe what is really important is that tomorrow, on my birthday, I will be spending the day with the people I love. Not my blood, but maybe my soul nonetheless.


Blogger kris said...

hey can i have the vibraters? youre a wonderful person, and yes you will be missed when you pass on...hopefully not for several years yet. i havent know you for a long time, but i value your humor and wit. you know exactly how to make a person smile or think from another angle. happy birthdy handsome, i sent a present..a hot stripper by airmail...but i forgot to punch holes in the i wouldnt open it if i were you!

12:16 AM  
Blogger Ms Burden said...

Gee, man, you're a damn good writer!!! In case you die, get burried with the stripper who was sent to you to add to the cigarette carton and the booze: a nice way to arrive in heaven!!! HEHEHHE

2:59 AM  
Blogger Le chameau insatiable said...

if i were you i'd smoke the carton and drink the bottle tomorrow, just in case... happy birthday... don't do anything with the dead stripper though, i think you might get tetanos or something.

3:39 AM  
Anonymous Rock said...

Happy birthday. What until your fifty and then revisit this post!

3:53 AM  
Blogger bulb said...

........sniff....aawww you guys......sniff...

(Can't wait for the dead stripper. My lovelife definitely needs a boost.)

11:52 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Love the blog.

I used to be into flagellation, bestiality and necrophilia, until I realised I was flogging a dead horse........

4:44 PM  
Blogger The Angry Drunken Irishman said...

"I don't have to compulsively sleep with every woman I meet. Which is a great relief!" like that....again.

You might not realize that you're a role model to a younger generation.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Sassy said...

Bulb...I have to agree with Kris! U are the sweetest =* If u died, part of me would die right along with you! I'm sorry I didn't get to tell u happy bday on ur *sings*!:X

11:42 PM  

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