Monday, May 30, 2005

Those bastard urang utangs.

The following account really happened. My memory of the events portrayed is a bit hazy, so I might be exaggerating a bit here and there.

Today, after work as usual, I went for groceries. On the way to the supermarket I was accosted by two of the cutest little girls I've ever seen. They couldn't have been older than five or six, a red blush on their faces, brandishing notebooks and a pen.
"Sir, can we ask you a question?", the first girl asked. The other one, obviously the spoiled impatient type, didn't wait for me to answer but immediately set off on her quest for world domination: "What do you think about people cutting down the forests were the Urang Utangs live?"
"I don't know.", I answered in complete honesty, "What's wrong with cutting down the forests where Urang Utangs live?"
The little girls needed a moment to collect themselves, obviously taken aback by the sheer amount of stupidity I was exhibiting. "Because without the forests they will die.", the first girl ventured cheerfully.
"But I don't have a forest, and I'm not dead yet.", I retorted feigning a healthy dose of impatience.
Without so much as blinking the second girl said: "But you're not an Urang Utang." Which of course made me utterly dislike girl number two.
"See, that is the whole problem. These Urang Utangs claim that they own the forest. But do they? Where will we get our wood?"
I looked little girl number one straight in the eyes and said: "NAH?" My gaze drifted to girl number two, I looked her straight in the eyes and said: "NAH?"
"These Urang Utangs are not like us. None of them ever had a decent job. They don't vote. And if they did, they'd be communists. They steal our forests, and all the while they make a big show of how through no fault of their own, they are nearly extinct."
I was really getting in to this, and since the girls didn't seem to have the audacity to question my obviously superior wisdom, I decided to go on: "Everybody knows that Urang Utangs are some of the ugliest dirtiest creatures in the world. They never shower you know.", I claimed shaking my finger as if lecturing a couple of little kids. (Which in fact I was.)
Just when I was in the middle of explaining the detrimental effects of Urang Utang teenage pregnancies, on the ozone-layer, girl number two interrupted me. "Sir, can we have your signature to save the Urang Utangs?"
I looked at her. She looked at me. For a millisecond two great minds were locked in a battle of willpower, until I broke and said: "Sure. Why not."

From the above we can learn two things about me.
1. I'm a great guy. I just helped save the Urang Utangs.

2. I need to get laid. I'm turning into a republican.

2 Comments:

Blogger kris said...

hahah you got beat by a lil girl!!! im so ganna tease you forever now. hugs.

12:00 AM  
Blogger bulb said...

ehm....... no...... no I didn't...... I ...... eh..... I...... I'm just a nice guy. Yeah! A nice guy!

7:43 PM  

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