Wednesday, June 15, 2005

In defence of Polytheism

There is, on yahoo, a chatroom called "self-realization and awareness", that I get invariably thrown out of after 20 minutes of chat. I'm a great self-realization guy. I'm really into awareness and shit. But who the hell figured that self-realization starts above the waist?
You want self-realization? You want awareness? First make peace with your dick. (Or feminine unmentionables, if that's what is growing between your legs.) You wanna find gold? It wont work if you put on your nicest dress, have a cup of tea and chat about what a wonderful person your latest "guru" is. Any treasure worth it's weight will hide in a pile of crap. So start there.
I remember, when I lived in India, everyday I would be confronted by hughe penises (penii?) being worshipped. Without me ever asking a question, people felt obliged to explain to me that what I was obviously seeing, wasn't what was really going on. Some of the weirdest explanations I got where:
1. It's the cosmic life-giving finger. (The Gods flipping us the finger? I could live with that.)
2. It's the cosmic pillar, that extends into infinity. (I like to think of my penis that way too.)
3. It's the post that the sacrificial horse used to be tied to during Vedic times. (Ah.... You guys sacrifice horses?)
That all begs the question: What's with the vagina shape on the base of the sacrificial post? Come on guys, why not just come out and say it: "We worship a fucking penis!" Earn some respect here.
Any polytheistic religion, will, in one form or another, worship the penis. (That last sentence will be quoted often if ever I become famous.) And with damn good reason. One of my American friends on explaining why she wasn't gay referred to it as "the Power of the Penis". Hell Yeah! (She also wrote a great article about it here.) And then monotheism comes along. One of my Jewish patients told me that ultra orthodox Jews have a special blanket with a little hole in the middle. The woman is supposed to lie under it, completely covered when the man enters her. I would pay good money for a blanket like that. (What woman could resist my blanket?)
Orthodox Christianity is a little less fucked up. You can do it, as long as you're married, the lights go out and you do it missionary style.
Islam is the worse of all. On the surface anything sexual is banned, but dig a little deeper and you will find that women are nothing more than extensions of their vagina.
Freud was right. Read "Totem und Taboo". There is one archfather, (God), with a hughe penis who is allowed to impregnate the women, and the rest of the guys are only allowed to watch. Monotheism fucked up where sex is concerned.
I'm a polytheist. Every morning I stare in awe at the undeniable proof that I cannot only take life, I can create it.

4 Comments:

Blogger Rosie (formerly known as Rox) said...

You're writing about penises? I thought you were a penis. LOL.I just want to thank you again. I want you to know that I still love you dearly but it is only 3 days until I'm back on the rag, and you dear friend will be on my death list for 5-7days. Then I'll love you again. I hope some day I will be able to send you messages again.

8:52 PM  
Blogger bulb said...

So you finally figured out how to leave comments eh?

9:55 PM  
Blogger Sassy said...

I dont worship "penis", i despise it. Ok, I lied...I do like it sometimes. BTW Bulb, can I see under your blanket? =P

2:57 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

ROFL!

Thanks for that thought, Rev. Bulb. :-D

Off to Roxalot's to try and see what you did!

3:53 PM  

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