Saturday, July 30, 2005


MeMe's, the bane of the serious blogger. Within a short time-span these eyesores have taken over the blogworld. Many a lesser blogger has had the awful audacity to post hundreds of these literary doodoos. Let me tell you something. If you are too stupid to come up with your own shit to write, you have no business having a blog anyway.

That being said. My friend Cheryl, blogster extraordinair, sent me these questions. I volunteered without knowing what the questions would be, so I have to answer them, aren't I clever. I may also be creepy, but you are allowed to say so. (Yay! My first plagiarism!)

1. Quote "I seem to spend most of my off-time chatting with nerds, pervs and jihadi's" (Jesus Hates Me, Tuesday, March 01, 2005). Please explain what it is about you that attracts these categories and why you do or do not fall into those pigeonholes yourself.

Ouch. I'm the progeny of troubled people. Professionally I work with troubled people. I never seem to date anybody except troubled chick. In short: I was born under a troubled star.
But let's face it, if you had the choice between spending the evening with Martha Stewart or a raving sex-obsessed lunatic like van Gogh, whom would you choose? It's the psychos out there that create art, music and culture, (and great blogs). Jesus was a freakin' madman. Gandhi wasn't shot because of his grand sex-appeal. And Ali Sina is in hiding, fearing for his life because he refuses to be politically correct.
As for me. I'm quite normal. Trust me on that. I'm normal. Yes siree, completely normal.

2. What are your five favorite foods?

You're asking me? When I'm not blogging, wanking, drinking or failing (miserably) to pick up chicks at the grocery store, I cook!

1. Tandoori Chicken (Not the supermarket crap. I mean the real thing. Cooked in a Tandoor.)
2. Masala Dosai (Try finding a good one outside London or India.)
3. Cauliflower cookies (Grate 4 large raw potatoes. Add a large cubed onion. Add a chopped up cauliflower. Some chopped celery leaves, 2 tablespoons of curry powder, 1 tablespoon of slat. Add some water and flower. Knead the whole package until it's more or less sticking together. Then deepfry them as if they were cookies.)
4. Fish and chips. (The soggy kind with vinegar. Wrapped in a newspaper, NOT in anything else.) (YAY Brits!)
5. Bakkeljauw (Soak a pack of dried salted Surinam Bakkeljauw (fish) in water for 12 hours. Remove bones and skin. Fluff the fish. Fry a large diced onion, two diced tomatoes, a sliced red chilly pepper and some black pepper in 6 tablespoons of oil. Add fish and fry some more. Serve with Telo or on bread.)

3. If you weren't related to your mother but had to work with her, what would you say to her?

I keep wondering whether I'm really related to her or not. If she hadn't been my mother though she'd probably have been my patient. So the best and most therapeutic thing I could say to her would be: "Let me refer you to one of my colleagues."

4. How many pets have you had?

I grew up in the country, so there have always been animals around. My fondest memories are of:
a. Rover the dog
b. Rambo the dog (Second and last time I saw my father cry was when Rambo died.)
c. Winnie the cat (Gave her away.)
d. Winnie the cow (We ate her)
e. Mickey the cat (Sort of my favorite person in the world.)

5. What is your favorite dream/daydream?

Cheryl, please. This is a decent blog. For decent people. We don't want none of that pornographic stuff on here.

So I guess I'm supposed to pass this anti-literary virus on to someone. (I did my share of passing on virii in the past. But that's another story.) So anybody that writes a comment on this post, puts it in rhyme and is able to creatively use two of the following words: "interview", "underwear", "penis enlargement" or "beer", will receive 5 original questions that will have to be answered on their blogs.

afterthought: Im never going to do this shit again!


Blogger doris said...

People who emphasise they are 'normal' are the ones to watch out for!!!

I came to you via Cheryl's to see what your answers were - am glad I did!

Wow! that cauliflower cookie recipe is something, don't think I'd try it though. The salt fish recipe sounds great. Have you tried the cold salad version? Very similar but the fish is cooked, cooled and shredded and then served with finely sliced raw onions, tomatoes, a little oil and fresh ground pepper.

1:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad you mentioned penis enlargement. I was gona ask you about yours. Was curious on the details. Thanks for reminding me cause I totally forgot...

3:41 PM  
Blogger bulb said...

that post did not rhyme, and you only used one of the keywords instead of two.
You're out!

5:27 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

:) Nice answers. Shame about the last one though - want to whisper?

6:02 PM  
Blogger Sassy said...

You eat some weird shit.

6:03 PM  
Blogger kris said...

went to an interview, sat on my rear.
answered stupid questions without a flaw.
celebrated my new found job with a beer.
sitting upon the barstool with a friend.
relising i forgot my underware.
but alas, only after i saw how far i can bend.
after brushing off a rather rude guy.
suggested he needed penis enlargement.
at that moment he started to cry.
there used all the words! i should get extra credit

9:50 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

Yeah BEER!

10:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey!! Noone elses rhymed. Why am I the only one out? pfft *pouts*

11:03 PM  
Blogger fineartist said...

Though he raved about it incessantly,
He wouldn’t EVER show it to ME.
I asked him to pull down his underwear
in order that I might see the very thing that he had living there.
This penis enlargement, this augmented member,widened girth and flaming ember.

He reddened, sputtered and declined.
Seems he had other things in mind.

I feigned disappointment, that is true,
I really didn’t care whether I actually saw it, or it’s hue. (Lame, I know.)

I intuitively sensed that he was lying.
He intuitively knew that I wasn’t buying
His boasting and bullshit, I am used to
But still, I wouldn’t trade him for anyone new.

He is my friend come hell or high water,
And I except him along with all of his fodder.

The simplest and most obvious questions can sometimes bring out the most interesting answers, yes?

1:12 AM  
Blogger bulb said...

Gaddammit people!!!
It was a joke!!! I didn't think anyone would bother to rhyme a comment, let alone use those words in it. Now I got to think up questions.
Creative women make the baby Jesus cry!!!

What the fuck kind of poetry is that? I read your poetry and its good! At least better than this piece of assdrool. Anyway here's your 5 questions:

1. What's your favorite sexual fantasy about me?
2. If you were to be deported to an uninhabited island for writing bad poetry on my blog, which three things would you take with you, and why?
3. There's one person who touched your heart more than most people ever did. The kind of touch that changes a life. Who was it? And what changed?
4. I'm now going to give you a flamethrower and a magical get-out-of-jail-for-free card. Who you gonna kill, why and how?
5. If you were able to do your life over, what is the thing you would definitely NOT DO again?

4:40 PM  
Blogger fineartist said...

creative people make the baby Jesus cry....tears of joy!

1:35 AM  
Blogger fineartist said...

Bulb, Please don’t wreck your brain trying to think up questions for me, at this point in time you really don’t know me well enough to be expected to question me. I only responded because I can’t resist a challenge.

Besides, I am beginning to suffer hives and a chronic gut ache in contemplation of the well composed questions you might torture me with, er, ah, I mean ask me about.

9:48 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home