Monday, July 04, 2005

Ten fun things I'd do if I had Tits!

Inspired by my friend Evil Krissy's article Penis, I've done a lot of thinking and soulsearching, trying to become more in touch with my feminine side. Let's get one thing straight though. If I were to have tits, they'd be massive, humongous, hughe and firm! Cause that's the kind of guy I am.

1. Stare and drool at my nude body in the mirror all day.
2. Wear a t-shirt without a bra. Pinch my nipples until they're really hard. Then angrily enquire what all those guys are staring at.
3. I'd start conversations with complete strangers saying: "Don't you hate it when your nipples hurt?"
4. Step up to the dateless, ugly, flat-chested chick and say: "I hate men. Every man I meet asks me out, just cause of my tits."
5. Step up to any man on the street, (Preferably one accompanied by his woman.), and say: "I'm sorry. I do not consider strange men staring at my tits a compliment."
6. I'd name the left one Tom and the right one Jerry.
7. I'd go to the local pool topless and when inquired say they are my floation device.
8. I'd bounce on a trampoline until I ended up in the emergency room with no clue who i was. (Who needs booze when you have tits.)
9. I'd master the art of drinking beer from a glass, without using my hands.
10. Burn my bra! Then 50 years later when my 'partner' asks what's for breakfast, flash him and yell: "PANCAKES!"

10 Comments:

Blogger kris said...

HAHAHAHA! i love this bulb! ehy know where i can get huge tits? im looking to trade mine in for a newer model...heh laters...great post!

12:11 AM  
Blogger prairie biker said...

Damn, how come I'm not on your list?

1:30 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

Such a shame there is a thing called gravity don't ya think? Therefore all good things must come to an end, or meet the floor...

4:49 AM  
Blogger Rosie (formerly known as Rox) said...

Tits? All guys have tits. Some guys have small tits. Some guys have big tits. The important thing to remember is that chicks have the necessary accessary to go with their tits.

6:31 AM  
Blogger bulb said...

11. Flash the prairiebiker.

8:12 AM  
Blogger airforcewife said...

Big boobs with no bra support = backache and sag as soon a you hit your 30s.

Instead, those cute little sheer lace demi bras from Victoria's Secret or Fredericks have as good an effect with lasting support.

Makes everyone happy.

6:44 PM  
Blogger Sassy said...

U are a nut! Very funny, but it's not all that fun to have tits. I cant sleep on my stomach comfortably because my tits are in the way. I have to get a bigger top with a smaller bottom, my tits are always in the way of something! Oh and Bulb, it's not polite to stare at a woman's chest! I'd let u stare at mine though. *wink*

9:56 PM  
Blogger CiscoKid said...

Most men would agree with you rpoint of view in reagrds to tits. However, except for all those gorgeous women with them big ones. My girlfriend's use to be big, till she had surgery to remove all that excess "stuff"--Now they look better.
The other group that will not agree with you, are the men with actual tits, I've seen them around, someone should tell them to at least put a shirt on. Of course they dismiss them as "pecs"....
No, there is a difference between tits and pecs.
Good subject

7:06 PM  
Blogger Le chameau insatiable said...

i never had any desire to have big ones. my only hope is they'll sag later.... and then instead of flashing pancakes, i'll flash blinis !!

8:05 PM  
Blogger bulb said...

This post boosted my visitor count. Some of the search quieries that led people here:
-pinch my nipples hard
-humongous tits

and my personal favourite:

-massive nipples

1:28 AM  

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