Thursday, August 18, 2005

I'm Back!

Me goes: "Im back"
Everybody goes (in awe and adoration): "Oh Bulb you're back"
Me goes: "Yes you bunch of twisted motherfuckers that's what I said."
Everybody goes: "Oh Bulb, Oh Bulb, tell us what happened, but not too fast, cause we like to take notes."
Me goes: "I was busy."

All the guys go: "Uh Oh. Ok. Welcome back, have a beer."
All the chicks go: "What the fuck? You think I got nothing better to do than check your page everyday to see where you went? I was worried sick! What the hell happened? Why didn't you say anything??? I called my mom just for support. I gained three kilo's just worrying about you. Hell, I skipped three periods because I panicked."

Why did God curse me with a heterosexual appetite? Life would have been so much better had I just been your regular ass-investigator. I suppose I need to explain a bit about why I didn't post for two weeks? (For the chicks I mean.) Well....... I'd like to tell you that I went to the Himalaya's to study and meditate with Swami Gupta Yogi Maharaj, and learned the secret mantras that will allow me to give a woman an orgasm just by looking at her. As you can understand I've been busy "looking" at lonely women, just to make their day.
But in reality......... I was just busy working.
Yes people, the Bulb works.
Back to basics, no fancy-schmancy "tell me about your mother" anymore. It's back to my first love, psychiatric nursing. (For those not in the know, psycho nursing involves telling psycho's they are weird and forcing medication down their throats.) And it pays a lot better too!
Other news: Psychoturk and me might be getting back together. Stop drooling. This doesn't mean I get to have pussy everyday since she lives about 5 hours flying away. So, I'm affraid to say, my forced period of celibacy will enter its second year in about 0.3 seconds. The muscular development in my right arm is starting to take on Olympic proportions, while my left arm still looks like a twig.
Since Psychoturk has seen fit to "parteeeeeeeey" while we were apart, (and I was telling women I was "sort of" involved"), my revenge will be a continuous update of our frustrated sexual exploits, right here on this blog!!! So stay tuned.
As of right now she told me: "Let's take things slow". So......... no pussy this month.


Blogger prairie biker said...

I use both hands. I HAVE to.

10:52 PM  
Blogger fineartist said...

Were you GONE? Heeeeheee.

So…before you spent a disproportionate amount of your time typing to psychos on-line, now you deal with them face to face, armed with thorazine / chlorpromazine and you still aren’t getting any….play, who is the prude now buddy?

I'm kidding and it's good to see your type again.

1:50 AM  
Blogger Ms Burden said...

Yeeeeeees! Welcome back to the blogsphere!!!
I had an idea that you worked, Bulb!

2:25 AM  
Blogger Sassy said...

Who are you?

5:22 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Get a motorbike with a kick start - then you can overdevelop one thigh, to match?

7:43 PM  
Blogger Cloddy said...

And how does Mickey feel about all of this? Should he be subjected to this new development?

9:51 PM  
Blogger CiscoKid said...

That is considered permission to fuck any available or willing woman..
Have fun.

You were gone?

11:14 PM  
Blogger Rosie (formerly known as Rox) said...

Get a female cat to keep Mickey company, then you can honestly say, "I'm going home to pussy."

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who the hell are you? And what are you babbling about? ;)

3:27 AM  
Blogger bulb said...

Me? Im Bulb the international man of Mystery.

2:09 PM  
Blogger Le chameau insatiable said...

i see you were away too... i wasn't worried, but it's nice to know you were worried about me. well it's summer. i have to stay outdoors as much as possible for winter will come soon enough. i might not post for a while, because on sept. 2nd i'll be on vacations for 2.5 months, yeeesssss....... but someday, when temperature is down to -40, i'll be back.

7:06 PM  

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