Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Kids!



I hate kids.
I fucking hate kids.
I hate them all. I hate short kids, tall kids, young kids, old kids. In short. I fucking hate all kids.
I was a kid myself once, long ago. It was a traumatic experience, not just because I was a thing to detest, (a kid), but because I seemed to be spending most of my time with other kids. And I hated all of them. Still do.
Hate them.
Kids need to learn some fucking responsibillity. It all starts when they get squeezed out of a hole just big enough for a cucumber. (I tested that one once.) Who the fuck got the crazy idea that a rugbeyball sized kid should be able to squeeze itself through that? And what is worse, in that first year, kids get to see more pussy than I did over the last two years. Fuck them.
Then they destroy your sex life. The wife loses her figure; They demand constant attention so you never get any of the ole in-and-out anymore; My personal research has shown that kids do that on purpose!
For the next years, they crap in their pants, throw up their food at you, Burp loudly; And what is worse, get to suck your spouses tits more than you do.
Hate them.
Then comes puberty. Now who the fuck got the unholy idea that kids are supposed to have a private life? What the fuck is up with kids partying, drinking and screwing as if there is no tomorrow? And me, being an adult, is supposed to finance all that crap? Get a fucking job!
Fuck them!
For some reason women seem to love kids. They get this manic gleam in their eyes when somebody brings up the subject of babies. Don't get me wrong, I love making babies, I just hate the lifelong curse one night of passion seems to produce. For some reason women get off on showing me pictures of babies. Everytime a woman pushes a picture of one of those diaper-clad self-shitters into my face I get an instant gag-reaction, but being the gentleman that I am, I always tell them that I've never seen such a beautiful kid.
Kids make the baby-Jesus cry. (And he fucking should!) (fucking baby)
All in all there is just one thing in life I hate more than kids. The inner child. Fuck the inner child. Everytime some loser comes up to me with a sob story about my inner child needs this, or my inner child feels that, I feel like shoving my arm in his mouth until he can lick my armpit, squirm my hand through his intestines and screaming: "Where the fuck is that little motherfucker?"
I'll tell you about my inner child. My inner child wants to get drunk 24/7. My inner child wants to screw anything that cannot get an erection. My inner child hates your inner child. Passionately. And most importantly, my inner child could beat the crap out of your inner child any day of the week.

Now go fuck yourself.

19 Comments:

Blogger A-Ron said...

"My inner child wants to screw anything that cannot get an erection."

If only my girlfriend felt the same way... I'd be able to disappoint her a lot more.

1:44 AM  
Blogger CiscoKid said...

Your inner child needs to get laid....
You need to get laid...
I need to get laid.....

Lets all make more kids for Bulb....

2:52 AM  
Blogger A-Ron said...

"Your inner child needs to get laid....
You need to get laid...
I need to get laid....."


...funny... Sounds like a children's book.

4:26 AM  
Blogger required said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:12 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Whaaaaaaat?

LOL - what got your goat and kicked it today then?

2:07 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

*Note to self, show Co picture of my kids, Then go fuck myself*

3:31 PM  
Blogger Cloddy said...

*claps hands* YEAH!!!!! BLUB I HATE KIDS TOO!!!!! Yeah for kid haters! I will never show you a baby picture! Cause i'm not having any fucking kids! My inner child told me not to cause I'd hate them and killem.

4:53 PM  
Blogger required said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:58 PM  
Blogger Chloe said...

Thanks for your comment Bulb. As a matter of fact I AM a good person, as you say. And I like children. Well, not all of them of course. Mine (1) and a few others.
Did you take the survey?

5:41 PM  
Blogger airforcewife said...

prairiebiker needs a spanking? He's your inner child??? Does he know about the spanking thing?

That's not a bad inner child to have - he can fix things. And he cooks, too.

6:40 PM  
Blogger Papercollector said...

you are disgusting, i am sure you know this and love the reactions you received from expressing your point of view. i hope your child reads this someday

6:47 PM  
Blogger Sassy said...

I bet my inner child could beat your inner child up! *wink*

11:05 PM  
Blogger Ms Burden said...

Just think that kids are much better than I am!!!

4:28 PM  
Blogger prairie biker said...

my inner child is still stuck in the anal phase

and the dyslexic little bastadr really hates your authentimacation thingy

4:04 AM  
Blogger yee wei said...

haha,im just a kid,and no one would like ,nobody knows ,cuz im alone in this world...

3:13 AM  
Blogger Rosie (formerly known as Rox) said...

One of my university professors said that first children and first marriages should be flushable. I can't stand other people's kids. When mine came along that was a whole different ballgame. My kids are blessings.

10:18 PM  
Blogger fineartist said...

This still? You must be hearing your woman’s biological clock ticking. Me thinks you doth protest to much eth. Hehe. I’ll bet you cant wait to bounce little bulb, or bulbeena on your knee, tell ‘em stories, use them as chick magnets.

I am only kidding you.

4:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kids are shit,
they must be whipped,
little egotistical enemies,
bent entirely on themselves,stupid and evil monkeys.

9:13 PM  
Anonymous YeeMan said...

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/journal_comments.php?entryid=183424&journalid=199996

Hey Captain Hook, I wonder why Peter Pan is always bugging you....

10:45 PM  

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