Thursday, December 29, 2005

Ode to Freud

I just realized something horrible. There are thousands and thousands of women out there that have never had an orgasm.
Let's all take a moment to let that awful truth sink in. Hundreds of thousands of women that never had an orgasm. Makes you wander doesn't it? Makes you wonder why I am writing this stupid blog when I could be teaching some poor tart the meaning of multiples. Makes you wonder when you're riding the bus to work. The woman sitting next to you may never have had an orgasm. And you could give it to her. Makes you wonder when you're having a job interview. The perky blonde asking you the questions might never have had a good orgasm in her life. And you are equipped with the tools and stamina to make her scream. (That is, if you are a member of the superior sex.)
Why in heavens name do we make life so bloody complicated. We've got all these unwritten laws, rituals and taboos to keep our raw sexuality from exploding into the outer world. What the fuck is wrong with us? We have all these nasty little urges that we try to surpress all the time. To be honest, I, and probably 50% of the worlds population, spend 98% of our time and energy on NOT being sexual. And what for? So the other 50% of us can feel frustrated for never having had a good boing-boing?

I'm a guy. I think about sex all the time. As do other guys. If ever a man tells you different, he's probably trying to get you into bed. I gave up no-thinking-about-sex as a futile enterprise. Believe me even Einsteins relativity theory is nothing but an elaborate scheme to get some pussy.

The other day I was enjoying a beer with a pretty confused chick. She told me (with dreamy eyes) that she wanted to have a "tantric" relationship with her boyfriend. (sidenote: having lived in India for so long, I'm always surprised and not a little irritated at the ignorance of most Europeans of Tantra. Tantra is not about sex bitch. Yes, there is a minor part of it that concerns the exchange of bodily fluids. But there's also a section about that in my dictionary. You don't see me wanking off with the G-H volume. (I use the mailorder catalogue for that.)
"What the fuck do you mean 'Tantric relationship'".
"It's the sort of relationship where everything gets turned into a sexual thing."
Right! She wanted to be a guy.
She probably never had an orgasm too.


Anonymous Laila said...

I need to see a therapist now!!!

That's why I keep telling myself that I will reborn a man!!!

10:37 AM  
Blogger Rain said...

I think you just want to make the world a happier place.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Sassy said...

I will admit...the first time I had an orgasm was with myself, by myself. I wanted to know what the fuss was all about. My husband wasnt giving me was All the years that I was married...he only made me cum twice (orally), which by the way, i had to show him the way. He sucked at it, so...i never had an orgasm with him, unless I did it myself. So that's what I did. It's better when you have someone else who can give u an orgasm. My sex life sucked with that asshole! BTW...most women cant have an orgasm without "clit" stimulation (lmao), but it's true! I am one of them! When a man tells me he can give me multiples...i laugh. Maybe one day, I will find that man...til with myself, is the best! Dont you just love my honesty? :P

8:20 PM  
Blogger kris said...

lmao! sas...damn girl. masturbation to me is just a quick release in order to function thru life less frazzled. and as far as thinking about i thought everyone did all the time regardless of being male or female, or am i just weird? nevermind i know the answer to that one. tata..oh and by the way im much better my cold is now down to just a cough, my ribs hurt so bad though. laters bulby XO

11:53 PM  
Blogger fineartist said...

Oh Bulb you are such a caring man, so concerned with the physical pleasure of others.

Or is it that you are merely lamenting your own discomfort in the knowledge that there are so many women out there who have not experienced physical gratification with YOU?

Stated more clearly, you’ve hit a dry spell, and it is manifesting in your writing.

I don’t know, you’re the shrink here, isn’t this post a bit obsessive?

As for being the superior sex, pfft, I am not even going to bother trying to eradicate this misconception from your mind, but I will leave you with one question, Who has a more difficult time getting laid, male or fe? We got it. You want it. There ya go.
Xxx, Lori

12:15 AM  
Blogger Le chameau insatiable said...

when i ride the metro, i wonder more about what kind of sex people have. mom and pop style, s&m, 3somes, etc... and after a while i see everybody as a freaking pervert. not that it's a bad thing, pervert being in opposition to prude in this case. so anyway, i tend to read on the metro to keep my mind off this train of thought.

2:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this where the qualified men of womanly pleasure sign up? I'm interested in looking at that list...

4:53 PM  
Blogger Stout said...

You guys are all perverts. All talking about this "sex" thing. Sheesh.

Hmm, I should do a blog about something in reference to Sassy's comment! ;)

9:32 PM  

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