Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Kids!



I hate kids.
I fucking hate kids.
I hate them all. I hate short kids, tall kids, young kids, old kids. In short. I fucking hate all kids.
I was a kid myself once, long ago. It was a traumatic experience, not just because I was a thing to detest, (a kid), but because I seemed to be spending most of my time with other kids. And I hated all of them. Still do.
Hate them.
Kids need to learn some fucking responsibillity. It all starts when they get squeezed out of a hole just big enough for a cucumber. (I tested that one once.) Who the fuck got the crazy idea that a rugbeyball sized kid should be able to squeeze itself through that? And what is worse, in that first year, kids get to see more pussy than I did over the last two years. Fuck them.
Then they destroy your sex life. The wife loses her figure; They demand constant attention so you never get any of the ole in-and-out anymore; My personal research has shown that kids do that on purpose!
For the next years, they crap in their pants, throw up their food at you, Burp loudly; And what is worse, get to suck your spouses tits more than you do.
Hate them.
Then comes puberty. Now who the fuck got the unholy idea that kids are supposed to have a private life? What the fuck is up with kids partying, drinking and screwing as if there is no tomorrow? And me, being an adult, is supposed to finance all that crap? Get a fucking job!
Fuck them!
For some reason women seem to love kids. They get this manic gleam in their eyes when somebody brings up the subject of babies. Don't get me wrong, I love making babies, I just hate the lifelong curse one night of passion seems to produce. For some reason women get off on showing me pictures of babies. Everytime a woman pushes a picture of one of those diaper-clad self-shitters into my face I get an instant gag-reaction, but being the gentleman that I am, I always tell them that I've never seen such a beautiful kid.
Kids make the baby-Jesus cry. (And he fucking should!) (fucking baby)
All in all there is just one thing in life I hate more than kids. The inner child. Fuck the inner child. Everytime some loser comes up to me with a sob story about my inner child needs this, or my inner child feels that, I feel like shoving my arm in his mouth until he can lick my armpit, squirm my hand through his intestines and screaming: "Where the fuck is that little motherfucker?"
I'll tell you about my inner child. My inner child wants to get drunk 24/7. My inner child wants to screw anything that cannot get an erection. My inner child hates your inner child. Passionately. And most importantly, my inner child could beat the crap out of your inner child any day of the week.

Now go fuck yourself.

Monday, August 22, 2005

I always suspected!


You know........ I always suspected it.