Saturday, January 28, 2006

Let the voting begin

Gaze in Utter Awe. Yee is the Award for the saddest sickest and most twisted story of 2006

Do ye not drool at the sight? Do ye not wish to adorn yonder blog with this here award? But this here award is not for everybody. This here award is not for the faint of heart. Only the most traumatised, the most depressed and depressing blogger will earn the right to proudly and boldly show the world the depth of his or her misery.

My gratitude goes out to my dear friend and incredible artist Steve for making this award.

Since januari is coming to an end, I will present the final list of nominees for your voting pleasure. There are still three more days to go, so send me a comment if you have a last-minute entry. On the 1st of februari, I will announce the winner. When voting, don't just say: "I vote for so-and-so." Say: "I vote for nameofstory by so-and-so." And don't vote for yourself.

And our brilliant contestors are (in no particular order):







Evil Krissy:



Le Chameau Insatiable:


18 Entries. Some of them really sad. Not bad. Now go vote.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Jesus the Musical

If you're on dial-up, be patient, this is worth the wait. And if it says something like: "Movie not available right now.", keep trying. This is a must-see.

Now all of you go over to Yeemans and tell her happy birthday. She may be a bit weird, but she's good people.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Sassy(, Jessy) and Bulb. The Story.

A couple of years ago, I returned home from a party. (Utterly Drunk!) Since it was "one of those" parties, I came home pretty frustrated. (And alone.)
Not wanting to waste a precious build-up of adrenaline, I decided to pay a visit to a chatroom and yell at the third world losers who can't do anything better with our foreign aid than buy computers and sit in Internet cafes all day. (Can't blame them. It's too bloody hot in most Arab countries to do anything else.)
There was a cute couple in the room, (Jinxy and TheDwarf), who seemed to be fighting, so I decided to make a pass at the wife. (With a definite measure of succes I might add.) I had a wonderful evening. Not only did I get to woo the wife, I also got to insult her husband and he was too nice, or too short, (later I got to know he just couldn't care less), to do anything about it.
I returned the next day, and made a couple of friends. Most notably T (I'm still secretly in love with her), Coyote and Slayer. I got into fights, I got to woo chicks online, I was part of intrigues and gossip and then one day Sassy entered, and the whole room changed.
Sassy was cool. It seemed like the whole room was all about Sassy. Men were falling over themselves just to get noticed by Sassy. When Sassy walked in the room, something changed. The air became vibrant and charged. (With a sick kind of cybersexuality.)
Now normally this would entice me to either fuck and dump somebody or pick a fight with her. Let's face it. It was my room and it should have been about ME! But Sassy apart from being "cute" was also "nice" (pass the bucket I think I'm going to puke.)
And I liked her.
Sassy had an online boyfriend. Which was okay with me, since I liked her I didn't intend to screw her anyway. However the boyfriend guy was the king of Gay. Besides, my best friend "Coyote" hated his guts. (That's before I found out that "Coyote" was a paranoid Schizophrenic and the "King of Gay" had a sense of humor.)
In hindsight, I don't like either of them. (I still like Coyote though.) (Who's schizo now eh?)
I remember PsychoTurk, my ex girlfriend coming in the room one day, and finally meeting Sassy. The first thing she yelled at her was: "What the fuck do you want with my man? Get your own boyfriend bitch!" (Now why the hell could I ever let a woman like that go? I'm an idiot.) Of course PsychoTurk never realised that it wasn't Sassy, who was her main competitor. (ooooh yeah!)
Anyway.... back to the main story. Sassy and I got to be friends, and later Jessy, Pearl, Pearls sister (who stole Sassy's online boyfriend away) and Evil Krissy (ooooh yeah!) started visiting the room.
I didn't like Jessy much. She was new. Coyote, T and I had this test. Whenever somebody started visiting the room more then once they were "new" and we started hating them, insulting them and generally being unpleasant. (Believe you me, I can be pretty unpleasant.)
But then one day Jessie casually mentioned that she had really big tits, so what's a guy to do. I instantly took a liking to her.
Meanwhile I got hooked on chatting. Whenever I visited the room and nobody was there, I just went into the "islam #1" room and pretended I was a preteen girl from California. (I saved all those conversations.)

Still with me? For those with a short attention span here's the breakdown of what I wrote so far:

Sassy: cool
Coyote: Schizophrenic nice guy
Geech: I don't think I mentioned him yet.
T: I got a secret crush on her, but she's too goddamn thin.
Slayer: She thinks Lord of the Rings is real. (Hell. She might be right.)
Jessy: Really big tits.
Evil Krissy: ooooooooh yeah!
Lissa: Dyke who's really into Sassy.

Back to the main storyline:
One day Jinxy told me she wanted to start blogging. By this time I had built up a shitload of saved conversations between me (preteen california girl) and muslims from "islam #1" room and was dying to publish them, so I asked Jinxy to set me up with a blog. And she did.
And so I started blogging.
After a while Sassy, Jinxy, Pearl, Evil Krissy (oooh yeah!), Coyote, Jinxy, Pinky (did I mention her?), Jessy and Pearls sister, all started blogging. Nobody visited the chatroom anymore. We were too busy blogging. Whenever I visit the room now. Nobody is there. I just keep getting assailed by guys asking: "Want to chat to horny Arab gay?" (In various islamic ways.)

That's sort of the end of the chatroom story. I left out the part were I was cyberstalked by Horny Grandma. The part were I first visited le Chameau (laughed my ass off) Cheryl (a link to her blog might give my blog some class) and Laila (Got to admit. It wasn't her writing that first attracted me to her blog.) And Lori's sexual obsession with my blog.